I'm...functional. Sort of. Oh God...these past few days..at least I coudln't remember what happened after my home burned down.
But I can remember everything about this.
I got to New Jersey on the 6th, and I made that quick post. Then I drove through the town, getting lost a couple times, until I found my mother's old house.
It was a two-story, old-fashioned sort of place. Brick, blinds drawn on the windows, grass overgrown in the front yard. Bit of graffiti sprayed on the side. The driveway was potholed like mad, so i pulled up in front instead.
The neighborhood was very quiet. there were'nt all that many other houses nearby, and I couldn't see any signs of life from any of them except for a car here and there. It was like the whole place was holding its breath, waiting for something. I could feel that awful creeping at hte back of my neck, but no one jumped out of hte bushes, so I made my way to the front door.
It was open.
And I, being the complete and utter IDIOT that I am, walked inside.
It was dark inside, I couldn't see much, and every step I took seemed ot rattle the house. There were no sounds besides my own. by the time I crossed the hallway into the next room, I was alreayd shaking like mad.
and he was there.
Waiting for me.
I remember freezing, staring at that blank face, those hideously long arms that slithered down his sides. I remember his tentacles plunging forward and wrapping themselves around me. It was dark, it was so dark, and I couldn't hear anything but the sound of my own voice screamign.
Then I heard him.
It was...it was like a thunderstorm going off inside my mind, a voice that shook hte foundations of hte world. I could feel my ears bleeding, and then I coudln't feel anything at all but the sound of his voice.
He wormed his way into my mind, it hurt, it hurt so much, he was telling me things, things I couldn't understand, telling me I would be his, telling me to serve him, call him He That Is, telling me I had no choice, that this was hte way the world would end, with all of us devoured by his power and drowned in our own fear.
I don't know how.
But I said no.
He...he didn't like that.
I kept saying no.
He kept pounding at my mind, whether it was to turn me into one of his servants or just to drive me completely insane, I don't know. But...but I couldn't...I couldn't say yes.
It felt like eternity. One small speck against the crushing power of the dark.
Finally, he...he pulled away. It felt like someone yanking a sword out of my gut. I came to, and it was dark and I couldn't see but i was alive. I stumbled out of that house, got into my car, and cried. It was a long time before I could make myself get moving.
I haven't left hte town. It's stupid and I'm just asking for him to come after me again, but I can't leave yet.
I think...I think I understand something.
"I am not yours." That's what I kept thinking. That's what...that's what my mom said. Her drawings, her ramblings, every so often, she'd say that.
I...I have to go. I need to think things over.