Tuesday, April 26, 2011

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I can't find any place that's safe long enough to post anything. I've been driving almost constantly for the past several days.
I'm so tired but I can't stop. Once I got going, I couldn't make myself take my foot off the accelerator. Nothing feels safe. I think I've reached the point where I'm so exhausted that I can barely feel anything normally anymore. And I keep seeing that skinny bastard out of the corner of my eye.
He's there right now.
Trying to break me again.
Got to go.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

I'm alive. And sort of sane.
And I found something.
But I've got to get out of New Jersey. Heading south again. I'll post when I find a safe place to stop.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Repeat Resolution

I'm going back to my mother's house.
It's stupid.
It's reckless.
It's probably going to get me mind raped again.
And I don't care.
What else can I do?
I don't even know if I'll find any answers.
But...damn it, I just...
I don't care what happens to me anymore. I just want to find answers.

Monday, April 18, 2011

Functional Brevity

I'm sorry I've been so quiet lately, people. I...guess I wasn't as functional as I thought.
I remember very little of the past week. What I do remember is a lot of sitting in the car, staring at nothing. And my head hurting. It pretty much always hurts, now.
Huh. Another thing my mom had.
I'm becoming a lot like her.

Tuesday, April 12, 2011


I'm...functional. Sort of. Oh God...these past few days..at least I coudln't remember what happened after my home burned down.
But I can remember everything about this.
I got to New Jersey on the 6th, and I made that quick post. Then I drove through the town, getting lost a couple times, until I found my mother's old house.
It was a two-story, old-fashioned sort of place. Brick, blinds drawn on the windows, grass overgrown in the front yard. Bit of graffiti sprayed on the side. The driveway was potholed like mad, so i pulled up in front instead.
The neighborhood was very quiet. there were'nt all that many other houses nearby, and I couldn't see any signs of life from any of them except for a car here and there. It was like the whole place was holding its breath, waiting for something. I could feel that awful creeping at hte back of my neck, but no one jumped out of hte bushes, so I made my way to the front door.
It was open.
And I, being the complete and utter IDIOT that I am, walked inside.
It was dark inside, I couldn't see much, and every step I took seemed ot rattle the house. There were no sounds besides my own. by the time I crossed the hallway into the next room, I was alreayd shaking like mad.
and he was there.
Waiting for me.
I remember freezing, staring at that blank face, those hideously long arms that slithered down his sides. I remember his tentacles plunging forward and wrapping themselves around me. It was dark, it was so dark, and I couldn't hear anything but the sound of my own voice screamign.
Then I heard him.
It was...it was like a thunderstorm going off inside my mind, a voice that shook hte foundations of hte world. I could feel my ears bleeding, and then I coudln't feel anything at all but the sound of his voice.
He wormed his way into my mind, it hurt, it hurt so much, he was telling me things, things I couldn't understand, telling me I would be his, telling me to serve him, call him He That Is, telling me I had no choice, that this was hte way the world would end, with all of us devoured by his power and drowned in our own fear.
I don't know how.
But I said no.
He...he didn't like that.
I kept saying no.
He kept pounding at my mind, whether it was to turn me into one of his servants or just to drive me completely insane, I don't know. But...but I couldn't...I couldn't say yes.
It felt like eternity. One small speck against the crushing power of the dark.
Finally, he...he pulled away. It felt like someone yanking a sword out of my gut. I came to, and it was dark and I couldn't see but i was alive. I stumbled out of that house, got into my car, and cried. It was a long time before I could make myself get moving.
I haven't left hte town. It's stupid and I'm just asking for him to come after me again, but I can't leave yet.
I think...I think I understand something.
"I am not yours." That's what I kept thinking. That's what...that's what my mom said. Her drawings, her ramblings, every so often, she'd say that.
I...I have to go. I need to think things over.

Monday, April 11, 2011

hes gone i cant haer him hes out of my head why how how am i still alive oh god my headmyhead

Saturday, April 9, 2011